This Moment

{this moment} -  A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. 

Wishing you a lovely weekend!


(inspired by Soul Mama)

This Moment

right now, I AM...

...taking a break from the hustle and bustle, and relaxing with the peanut.

right now, I AM...

This Moment

{this moment} -  A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. 

Wishing you a lovely weekend!

(inspired by Soul Mama)

This Moment

Thankful Thursday

This week seemed to fly right by.   I didn't even realize it was Thursday until a little while ago.  I've been so busy lately that the weeks seem to be blending together.  I am really looking forward to things slowing down a bit.

This week I am thankful for:

New Beginnings ~ It's been a difficult start, with lots of meetings, unresolved feelings and slight anxiety about the unknown but I know this is the best thing that could have happened.  No matter how anxious I feel about change, I know in the long run I will look back and realize I did the right thing.

Special Packages ~ My dear friend Chelle, sent me a package earlier this week filled with teas and a bottle of california sand/sunshine.  I haven't left the house without my Cali-girls since.  <3

Cuddles ~ Nothing takes away the worries of the day better than cuddling with those you love.  Thank you boys for being the best cuddle-bugs.

Support ~ I didn't think I would have had the strength to get through this week but the amount of people who reached out with a kind word, supportive gesture and/or a listening ear helped me overcome my anxiety and fears and push through on top.

Our Veterans ~ Thank you to all the wonderful men and women who have protected our country as well as those who continue to protect us.  

What are you thankful for this week? What made you smile when you least expected it?

Thankful Thursday

right now, I AM...

...taking in a refreshing deep breath and enjoying the freedom of a fresh start. 

right now, I AM...

Mindful Monday

Being Mindful during difficult times is not always easy.  Honestly, it's a bit of a challenge.  Although I have been talking about the changes in my family dynamics, I have avoided sharing the details of what I have been going through.  I wanted to keep it off of my blog because I wanted this corner of the web to be my happy place.  A place to escape the difficulties and struggles and find the positive in the world.  However, in order to be truthful with myself, I have to admit what I have been going through...out loud.

I have been a victim of domestic violence for the past six and a half years.  Just writing that was upsetting.  Admitting that I am one of "those women" who stayed for too long coming up with excuses for my husband and subjecting my children to listening to it.  But, it doesn't matter how long my fear kept me there, what matters is I finally found the courage to walk away.  Yes, I am slightly damaged emotionally and so are my children.  We have a lot to overcome and we are taking it one step at a time.

When a woman subjects herself to this type of situation she loses a piece of her identity to her abuser.  He changes her; breaking her down emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically to shape her into how "he" wants to see her and/or how he wants others to see her.  The abuser will isolate her from those she cares about and/or those whose opinions she finds matters, removing her from social gatherings and friendships and promising that he could be all that and more.  There are days when things are good, like walking on cloud 9 in perfect harmony and step with all that is good in life.  But, it's an abusive relationships which means that there are good days, and there are bad, with no in-between.  The highs are wonderful and the lows are devastating.  The biggest difficulty for the woman is figuring out how to leave when she has been left to survive only on the means that he can and has provided for her with the self-esteem that he has slowly diminished.  Everyone has a breaking point, a point where enough is enough; I FOUND MINE. 

I've been on autopilot these past 2 weeks, moving from one meeting to the next.  Meetings with lawyers, school counselors, child protective services, battered women services.  Not to mention trips to court for the restraining order, doctors appointments for medical records and police departments for police records.  It's never ending.  I still need to go for temporary assistance, evaluations, counseling and to court this Wednesday for the final restraining order.  It looks like I have a good case and hopefully, the judge will see that it is in my children and my best interest to have him out of our home. 

I hadn't had time to actually sit down and think about what is going on.  I have been constantly in motion and hadn't had the time to feel anything but empowered, free and safe.  However, during the past few days when more difficulties arose the negative emotions finally began catching up.  With the sudden whims of euphoria, I have also been experiencing grief, loneliness, anger, futility, anxiety and disorientation.  I am learning that this is a normal process and what I am experiencing is mourning.  Mourning of my marriage and what it should have been.  Although difficult to hide away from my children and let it out, I know that I have to in order to move on.  I have been blessed with a wonderful support group of family and friends that have graciously just been there for me.

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.  The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." ~ Henri Nouwen

Today I accepted the emotional roller coaster that has been building up for days and let it flow.  I didn't know which way was up or down, I just rode with it.  I hid away in my bedroom and just cried.  I spoke to friends who just sat and listened and tried to reassure me that this was part of the process.  I continued to vent and cry believing that I would never see through tear-free eyes again.  But like all bad times, the mood lifted and I felt relief in the sniffles and hiccups from a good cry.

Although, I started feeling better, it was still in the back of my mind when I went to get today's mail. 

 

The little things.  Amidst the bills and junk mail came a package from a dear friend across the country.  Just seeing the postage stamp and return address lifted my spirits in hopes of a better evening.  I had a huge smile on my face when I brought in the package and began to open it. 

"Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things."

What a wonderful package.  Filled with teas to help me get through these ups and downs, highs and lows.  Ways to relieve stress and detox from the negativity that has harbored inside me for so long through body and soul.  But the most interesting piece and the most touching was the little bottle in the center. 

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."  ~ Albert Schweitzer

It was the first thing to catch my eye in the box and the one that puzzled me the most.  At first, I thought it was a homeopathic treatment until I read the wonderful handwritten poem my dear friend, Chelle, wrote for me.

"What, do you ask, is in my hand?
I say open it up and look at the sand.

Taken from Bodega Bay,

In California on a gorgeous day.

Bottled up sunshine from the west,

and from some friends who hold you best.

Hold this bottle like we're holding your hand.

For we are more than all that sand."

This brought more tears to my eyes.  Unlike the ones I shed earlier, these were tears of gratitude, happiness and strength.  Gratitude for finding such an amazing group of friends even though we are separated physically; happiness in knowing that miles can't get in the way of true friendship; and strength in realizing that love doesn't come out of fear but out of mutual respect -- whether it be from spouse, child or friend.  

Thank you Chelle, for brightening my day with a little bit of California sunshine and support.  

Thank you Karyl and Amiee, for a supportive ear.  For helping me through this one day at a time and for being the best of friends to me throughout the years.

Thank you Heather and Stacy, for the texts of love and support.  I appreciate them and you both, dearly.

Thank you CJ, for being here for the boys and myself.  It truly takes a long time to grow an old friend like you.  

Thank you LeeAnna, Marie, Elizabeth, Daniella, Christine, Krissy, Courtney, Chelsea, Ceci and Megin for being a soft place to fall. 

Thank you Mom, Dad and Jenny.  I am so blessed to have such a supportive family that is reminding me of who I really am.

Thank you boys.  You are my reason for waking up in the morning, for each smile throughout the day, for my laughter at the little things, and my ability to keep going.

I also want to thank everyone who has contacted me with their stories, support and words of encouragement.

Each and every one of you are helping me find myself again and reminding me once again what is important in life.  I appreciate all of you.

Mindful Monday

This Moment

{this moment} -  A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see. 

Wishing you a lovely weekend!

(inspired by Soul Mama)

 

This Moment

Thankful Thursday

 

I've had a busy week filled with meetings; each meeting strengthening me and bringing me closer to closure.  This week has left me feeling drained, exhausted, and anxious; yet extremely satisfied.

This week I am thankful for:

Morning Tea ~ This past week I began a new routine.  After Mikey gets on the school bus, I sneak around the house while my younger two are sleeping and make myself a cup of tea.  I keep things quiet to give myself some peace of mind and to reflect on the night before, decide on plans for the day ahead and just breathe and enjoy my tea one sip at a time.

Laughter ~ The old saying, "Laughter is the best medicine" has really proved true this week.  I haven't laughed like this in years.  No matter how silly the subject, the release from the daily chaos is such a lovely feeling.  

Good Books ~  What better way to escape from the difficulties of life than by reading a good book?  Right now I am enjoying a few fluff books since heavy reading requires more concentration than I have right now.  My current reads are Mini Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella and Catching Genius by Kristy Kiernan.

Sisterhood ~ I never imagined belonging to such an amazing sisterhood like the Mavens.  Although we don't all visit the group where it all started very often, the kinship is still strong.  We have connected in other networks, bonded together by common interests, dreams, spirits and inspiration.  These women are not only a safe place to fall but a haven to those they hold dear to them, and I am honored to be a part.  I am honored to call these amazing women my friends and my soul sisters.

Emails ~ The amount of emails that I received this week checking on the welfare of my children and myself astonished me.  I appreciate everyone reaching out, the stories that were shared and the generous offers that were extended.  You are all angels in disguise and I am blessed to have each and every one of you in my life. 

Family ~ Honestly, this will be here each and every week.  My children are my life.  I breathe for them, I adore them.  They are my heart and soul.  They can put me through 50 different emotions in a single minute and at the end of the day, they are the last things I think about when I go to sleep at night.  My parents and sister have been a huge support to me this past week.  They have sat and listened to me when I needed it, offered advice where they could and offered support in every way they can.  I couldn't imagine a better family circle and I am happy to end my gratitude here with them. 

What are you thankful for this week? What made you smile when you least expected it?

Thankful Thursday

right now, I AM...

...relaxing in bed, escaping into a good book, cuddled up with my cat, Jasper-Bear, and releasing the tension from a busy and stressful day. 

right now, I AM...

A Child's First Teacher

"The mediocre teacher tells.  The good teacher explains.  The superior teacher demonstrates.  The great teacher inspires."  ~ William A. Ward

 

My oldest son has been having difficulties with second grade math.  In class they are beginning to learn multiplication through counting multiples.  For my son, this is a struggle.  He can do his 2's, 5's and 10's but everything else he needs his fingers.  No matter how I try to pull him away, he continues to use them. 

I was on the phone with a dear friend the other day and I was sharing with her my son's struggles and she sent me a link to Robinsunne's Multiplication Clock which was created to use with the Waldorf curriculum.  So tonight, while Mikey was busy doing homework; I sat beside him and got started on the clock.  It was very easy to make using the Robinsunne's directions.  I didn't need all the tools she suggested but then again, I thought it would be a trial run and didn't expect it to come out as nicely as it did. 

I posted it on my refrigerator, a prime spot for my boys to access it.  This amazing tool will be beneficial for all my boys.  Not only can it help my oldest with Multiplication, but it can help my middle son with his number recognition and my youngest with his colors.  This is a tool that even I can use, instead of pulling out a calculator (or using my fingers...ssshhh don't tell my son.)

Tomorrow I plan on getting it laminated since I think it will be getting a lot of use over the upcoming years.   I also plan on sharing it with his teachers in case they want to try it in class or forward directions to the parents.

For my son, visual cues are a necessity for his learning.  His desk  at school has them posted,  I create visuals for him here as well.  His spelling words are always posted next to his bed (for when he can't sleep) and on the refrigerator.  When he had trouble with sight words, they were displayed throughout the house.  When he had difficulties telling time, I made him a clock.  These visuals aide our children's development.   I also have affirmations posted around the house to encourage them as well.  Above the multiplication clock, is my oldest's favorite: "Mistakes are Necessary for Learning and Growing."  This reminds him that he does not always have to get the answers all right, all that matters is that he understands the work, and he tries his best.

Learning begins at home. A parent will always be a child's favorite teacher.  When we work together we offer our children a stronger foundation. There is no right way to teach.  There is no proper curriculum to explore.  What we need to do is what works for our own children.  Whether our children are homeschooled, unschooled, go to public or private school; we owe it to our children to be involved, be active, and give our children all the assistance they need to grow. 

 

A Child's First Teacher

Mindful Monday

"I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring."  ~ Liz Armbruster

 

Last night my oldest son had a nightmare and crawled into bed with me.  In years past, he has called out to me and after a hug and kiss, he has gone back to sleep.  Last night, he wanted to crawl into bed with me, and I was not arguing.

It's been years since I have cuddled up and smelled him while he slept.  I rubbed his back and told him a story, we held hands while he listened to my heartbeat, and then when he was ready to fall asleep he rolled over and I admired him, listening to his breathing slow to a steady rhythm.  

At 7 years old he tries to act like the older kids he sees in our neighborhood.  He tries to ride his skateboard like them, he tries to talk back to me, he calls me "Mom" instead of "Mommy" around them and he yearns to be older.  But last night, he was my little boy again and he needed me.  I took that opportunity to wrap him up and hold him with all that I had. 

This morning when I woke up beside him to the alarm clock sounding that it was time to get ready for school; I took another moment to breathe him in.  His childhood innocence, the angelic look on his face while he was dreaming, the little mole on the back of his neck that I tickle every time I see it.  That's my boy, no matter how many years go by. 

What were you mindful of today? 

Mindful Monday