Mindful Monday

"I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring."  ~ Liz Armbruster

 

Last night my oldest son had a nightmare and crawled into bed with me.  In years past, he has called out to me and after a hug and kiss, he has gone back to sleep.  Last night, he wanted to crawl into bed with me, and I was not arguing.

It's been years since I have cuddled up and smelled him while he slept.  I rubbed his back and told him a story, we held hands while he listened to my heartbeat, and then when he was ready to fall asleep he rolled over and I admired him, listening to his breathing slow to a steady rhythm.  

At 7 years old he tries to act like the older kids he sees in our neighborhood.  He tries to ride his skateboard like them, he tries to talk back to me, he calls me "Mom" instead of "Mommy" around them and he yearns to be older.  But last night, he was my little boy again and he needed me.  I took that opportunity to wrap him up and hold him with all that I had. 

This morning when I woke up beside him to the alarm clock sounding that it was time to get ready for school; I took another moment to breathe him in.  His childhood innocence, the angelic look on his face while he was dreaming, the little mole on the back of his neck that I tickle every time I see it.  That's my boy, no matter how many years go by. 

What were you mindful of today? 

Mindful Monday

Be as a Child

While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about. ~Angela Schwindt

Children always inspire. They make you yearn for days gone by. The simpler times. The times of carefree joy and innocence. We miss it. We miss those times, but are they really out of reach or have we just forgotten how to enjoy them?.

As we grow older we begin looking towards the future. We begin living with goals that are slightly out of reach - college, careers, homes, children, retirement - It's a never ending cycle. Yet, when we look at children it causes a yearning.

Children are the greatest inspiration for mindfulness. They live in the moment with no thoughts of tomorrow. They enjoy the little things -- those simple pleasures that we take for granted. They let their natural curiosity and imagination take them where ever they want to go. They are free spirits in a closed-minded world. Something we as adults still harbor inside of us.

I could watch my boys for hours. They can sit and build "the largest tower in the world" with their blocks without thinking about what they will be doing later or what happened yesterday. When they fall and get a "boo-boo," they will act as if it's the most traumatic experience in the world as they sit there crying. The moment I place that band-aid on it and give it an "all better" kiss, it is forgotten and they move on as if nothing happened. It amazes me that these little creatures can live in the moment and just the moment. So innocent and carefree. Full of life.

What we yearn for from our childhoods isn't far out of our reach. If we let go of the woes of yesterday or the unknowns of tomorrow. If we let children inspire us -- let them remind us to live in the moment. Maybe then, we can enjoy the moment for what it's worth and most importantly, just live.

Be as a Child

Moving On But Not Letting Go

"It's surprising how much memory is built around things unnoticed at the time." ~Barbara Kingsolver

Little tics on the walls showing my boys how much they have grown over the past years. Pen and pencil marks outline their latest artwork even if they weren't supposed to write on them. Little fingerprints that have smudged after time and time of them holding on when learning how to walk or running down the halls. All of this being left behind in a week. Ready to be painted over in antique white. Erasing my children's memory so a new family can create their own.

Moving can be so difficult. The memories that you captured in a place are reason enough not to want to leave. Then theirs the actual packing. Picking and choosing the things that you will take with you. Leaving behind with those marks on the walls other material items that also hold some form of memory.

The crib that all three of my children slept in for 2 years of their live and has comforted my children where they enjoyed many good dreams will now be left behind. For Alex is no longer a baby and with this move, he will acquire a big boy bed. A new beginning for himself. The pack and play that has sat in my living room for 6 years will also not be coming with us. Now that Alex will have a big boy bed, he no longer will lay in there until he goes to sleep at night keeping my husband and myself company until he is fast asleep and moved to his crib. The baby clothes that started with my oldest 6 years ago and still have the smell of all three of them will now be donated for other little boys that are less fortunate than us. The toys that used to annoy me with how loud they were will also be donated leaving us with the quieter toys meant for older children.

I keep trying to think of how much nicer it will be to have a fresh start. My older two are excited because they will be getting bunk beds. Their room will be new and exciting. My little one will finally have a room he could play in. He will have a place to grow and learn. My husband and I will have a bedroom that we could go into and enjoy each others company without the clutter that we have acquired. No more disciplining the children for running on the floors so they don't upset the downstairs neighbors.

But what about the memories. Yes we carry them with us in our hearts but the daily reminders; the touch, the smells...these things we will be leaving behind. I feel I am letting go of my babies and have to accept that they are growing boys. I'm not sure I am ready to let them go. So, although I am going to be removing the crib, the play pen, the old clothes and the tic marks on the wall; I am also going to pack up their baby blankets, the ones that soothed them when they were babies. The hats they wore home from the hospital. I will take a picture of their growth chart and artwork on the walls. I am going to hold onto these things so when I feel the need to revisit this time, this home.... It will be in the new place waiting for me to remember.

Moving On But Not Letting Go

To My First Love....

"He has the spirit of the sun, the moods of the moon, the will of the wind."

Happy Birthday to the first boy who ever took my breath away. The first eyes I looked into so adoringly that I thought my heart would explode with all the admiration and love I felt. The true meaning of love at first sight. Happy 6th Birthday, Mikey. Mommy loves you more than you will ever know. You are and always will be my shining star!

To My First Love....

Longing For Our Nights

This weekend my oldest will be 6 and my youngest will be 2. I probably will be doing a lot of reflecting on my kids this week. To start out the week, I wanted to share a poem I wrote last year for all of them.

Longing For Our Nights


As you lay at night dreaming,
Peaceful and asleep.
I tiptoe to your bedside,
Quietly so you do not stir.

I bend down beside you,
And admire your angelic face.
I sit there for a moment,
Reflecting on our day.

These moments go by so quickly,
My days always seem fast paced.
I step over you to do things,
Sometimes ignore you call my name.

I leave to go to work at night,
Although I hear you scream.
But, at night when you are sleeping,
We share this little routine.

As you lay there dreaming,
I sit on the corner of your bed.
I rub your back, stroke your face,
And kiss your tender cheek.

I listen to you breathing,
and remind you that I love you.
I look forward to it each evening,
I await my time with you.

I’ll always cherish our special nights,
This quiet time we share.
I love you baby forever,
and always I’ll be there.

Longing For Our Nights