Tuesday, June 2, 2009

My Mother Taught Me

The most important lesson my mother taught me about being a mom…
As a child my mother always said, “You will understand when you are a mother.” And she was right... now I know.
My mother taught me the bond that you will never have with anyone else but your child.
I know the movements my children made inside of me when I was pregnant and the difference in each one and how it has produced into their personalities.
I know the feeling of pain from labor but that the feeling of holding your child for the first time outweighs it and makes you instantly forget.
I know the bond that only a mother can feel when she looks into her child’s eyes for the first time.
I know that promise you make to them in those first few minutes of life to protect them, always be there for them and most of all to love them forever.
I know that feeling you get when your child smiles at you for the first time. Or when they roll over, take their first steps and say your name.
I know the overwhelming love you feel when your child gives you a hug or kiss and tells you they love you.
I know this because my mother taught me.
My mother taught me the reasons for her over protectiveness.
I know when my child gets on that bus to school every morning I will worry until the moment he comes home and is in my care again.
I know when my child is sleeping at night why I check on them throughout the night.
I know why I make sure my last words to them every night before bed and every time we need to part is, I Love You.
I know when someone is watching my children that lump you feel in your chest worrying if they are okay.
I know when a child takes their first steps you can’t baby them but you can always be a few steps away from them to catch them if they fall.
I know they will one day tell me they hate me for being over protective and tell me I am the worst mother in the world, and I will smile at them and respond, “When you have children, you will understand.”
I know this because my mother taught me.
My mother taught me the sacrifice that a mother makes for her child.
I know the sacrifices you make to give your child everything they want and need.
I know the sacrifice of not always being home with my children because in order to give my children the best, I need to work.
I know the sacrifice of sleep because your child isn’t feeling well.
I know the sacrifice of your favorite foods because your child doesn’t like them.
I know the sacrifice of new undergarments or clothes because although yours are old you find yourself in the children’s department of the store buying for your children instead.
I know this, because my mother taught me.
My mother taught me to be strong for my children.
I know that I need to teach my children to walk but it’s hard not to hold their hand.
I know I need to teach my children to be independent but that I will always be there when they are in a jam.
I know that I need to let my children find out things for themselves but I could always give them advice.
I know that I can’t stop them from the heartaches they will endure but I can always lend an ear and a shoulder to lean on.
I know that I can’t stop them from growing up but I can help them on the right path.
I know that I can’t stop them from straying from that path but I can help them find it again.
I know that the lessons I teach my children will be harder on me then they are on them.
I know this because my mother taught me.
My mother also taught me the most valuable lesson of all…
Since becoming a mother, my mom has taught me even more lessons. These lessons I haven’t questioned or even thought twice about the advice. Now I listen to her and although some things I may not agree with, I still keep those lessons in the back of my mind knowing one day I too will understand.
The most valuable lesson my mother has taught me since becoming a mother myself, is to enjoy my children because they grow up so fast. She is absolutely right, too. I have stopped and smelled the roses with my boys, spent a whole day cuddling with them on the couch. I have danced like a fool in my living room with them and we have laughed so hard that we cried. I have enjoyed every feeding, every cuddle and every kiss as if it was the first time. I have sat admiring my children when they thought I wasn’t looking and cried at night because I love them so much.
I know the meaning of being a mother, I know how it feels and I know I will teach my children the same... just as my mother taught me.


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The Dance of Life

“Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, a charm to sadness, gaiety and life to everything;It is the essence of order and lends to all that is good, just, and beautiful.” ~ Plato
Wouldn't the world be a better place if we displayed our emotions through dance? I know it may sound silly but what if instead of having a verbal disagreement, everyone would just dance their anger away. Maybe even in....tap shoes? Wouldn't it be wonderful to see people dancing through the streets?
Actually, if you think about it a simple act like walking could really be seen as a dance. Look at all the different ways people walk. For instance, some drag their feet while others walk on their tip toes. While some walk with their head down at a fast pace, others walk slow absorbing the world around them. Wouldn't this be considered a dance? Have you ever sat in the mall and just watch people? The constant twists and turns and movements people will do to avoid contact with another person, or the beat of all the different shoes tapping on the floors. Our simple tasks are the beautiful symphony of life.
Music lives within all of us. I think dancing is a simple act of sharing your soul with others. A time when instead of our bodies housing our souls; our souls are visible to the world as if it was pinned to your chest. A vision of our spirits, our youth and wisdom at the same time.
The music we choose in our play list of life not only change with each growing experience but provides others with an outlook on who we really are. The songs that we choose to remember moments or sing to those we love... The songs we choose for special events or the ones that hurt too badly to listen too... these are all a part of us and an invitation to others to take a deeper look at the person inside.
Why is it that we gravitate to certain music, certain songs depending on our moods? Have you ever listened to the words to a song that comes on the radio, that you love when you are depressed but now you are in a good mood and just listen to the lyrics? Have you ever wondered why you resonate with that song?
What if we changed it up today and instead of grabbing for that album we favor when times are bad and we want to wallow in our sorrows, what if we grab for our happy music instead. Maybe we can change our moods a little quicker and the world could be a little better if we just.....dance.

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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Memories

"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never wanted to lose."

Moments after I created this blog, I became very excited and thought about my first real blog entry. It was going to be something about the flowers my boys and I have been working so hard to grow and I wanted to go outside and take a picture of my sons special flowers. When I reached into my purse to retrieve it, I noticed it wasn't there. I searched everywhere for it recounting my steps and calling all the places I had been in and out of within the 2 week time frame since my last picture upload. After hours of searching and making phone calls I finally came to terms and accepted (as much as I possibly could) that my camera was gone. I have been particularly disappointed in myself for losing it and saddened knowing that I will not be getting a new one any time soon. Something my husband mentioned right away when I alerted him of my newest loss. Not that he doesn't want me to have a camera but in his defense he did just buy this one for me almost 2 years ago when my last camera broke.

As a mom to three small boys I tend to take a lot of pictures -- seriously. I average about 200-300 a month. While I have been sitting here watching my boys with their silly daily antics and bonding moments, it hurts when I reach my arm out for my camera that isn't there. It's sad because I feel like I am missing a piece of myself.

I know it seems silly but I am really lost. Memorial Day passed without pictures, Alex's first parade was not documented, Max with his clothes on all the wrong body parts pretending to be the clothes monster, special bonding moment between Mikey and Alex....all came and gone without capturing the memory forever.

Tomorrow, my husband and I will be celebrating our four year wedding anniversary and again no camera to document it. Nor will there be a camera at Mikey's tee-ball game on Saturday.

I know it sounds like I am whining but honestly I am heartbroken and utterly lost without my camera. It became my companion over the past few years and we had a lot of history together and captured a lot of memories. I guess I'm going to have to find another way to capture the memories.

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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Beginnings

Tonight I was sitting here reading "Change of Heart" by Jodi Picoult and watching my family out of the corner of my eyes. Mikey was annoying Max while Max was doing the same to Alex. I sat there yelling at them like I normally do and then it hit me. Why do I yell at them? I was a kid and I did a lot more than that before my mother came in and scolded me. Maybe it's because we live in a small apartment and we are always on top of each other. Or maybe it's because I am always in a constant battle with them over the mess that I cleaned 5 minutes earlier that seemed to reappear by the time I turned around. But the reality of it all is that I am having more bad moments then good.

I promised myself in the beginning of the year that I was going to work harder at letting the small things go, not just with my kids or my husband but with every day encounters. Maybe I just needed a little something to get me started...something like a daily intention.   

Now it's time to open my heart and my soul and just.....release.

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